Hometown: The Roch, MI (aka. The Crotch, aka. Crotchscratcher, aka. Crotchmolester, aka. Rochester)
Currently Living: Clawson, MI
Height: 5'8
Weight: Ha ha, yeah right
Favorite Color: Blue (preferably navy)
Profession: Researcher
Favorite Nickname: Trick, Sloan
Favorite Drinks:Vodka Tonic, Guinness, Diet Dr. Pepper, Dirty Martinis, red wine
Favorite TV Show: Friends, Sex & The City, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, Iron Chef America
Least Favorite TV Show: A Baby Story, I Love Lucy, Martha Stewart, Everybody Loves Raymond, every hour long drama
Favorite Books: The History of Love, Beloved, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Fight Club, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The of Being, SurUnbearable Lightness vivor, Empire Falls, The Corrections, The Bell Jar
Favorite Movies: Little Miss Sunshine, Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Wordplay, American Beauty, Life is Beautiful, Amelie, Breakfast Club, Singin In The Rain, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sleeping Beauty, Dancer in the Dark, Duets, The Virgin Suicides, The Manchurian Candidate (1962), Austin Powers I, II & III, My Best Friends Wedding, Moulin Rouge, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, The Shining, Gone With The Wind, Bridget Jones' Diary, Chicago, Love Actually
Guilty Pleasure Movies: Xanadu, Dirty Dancing, Overboard, Groundhog Day, Steel Magnolias, 10 Things I Hate About You, Bond movies, Footloose, Clue, Murder By Death, High Spirits, A Cinderella Story
What I Do Too Much: Check email, crossword puzzles, complain about my job to friends and family,
Obsessions: sushi, Indian food, ranch dressing, toenail polish, song lyrics, hands, awards shows, symmetry, avocados, maps, dreams, This American Life, the display in my car that tracks my MPG
Pet Peeves: loud eaters, slurping, gulping, arrogance, snoring, bad grammar, repetition, late mergers, ripping cardboard, the word "chunky", intolerance, couples in a restaurant sitting on the same side of a booth, pop-up ads, privacy manager, men that drive without shirts on, being foolish, unfairly jumping to conclusions, being made fun of, cat-calling, people who type too hard
Greatest Fear: crossing bridges
Relaxing Activites: late night drives to sing by myself, headstands, hot baths,
Wish I Was: Ansel Adams, Jenifer Aniston, in love, living alone
Prized Possessions: ring from my grandparents, flower pot of my Grandma's, electric blanket (temporarily broken), tongue scraper, my bed
Craziest Thing Ever Done: getting a tattoo, strip Jenga
Things I Eventually Want To Do: skydive, buy a guitar, learn how to play the aforementioned guitar, take flying lessons, travel to France, write a novel, learn how to play the harp, tap dancing lessons, run a marathon
Monday, September 11, 2006 And I'll keep on runnin', this never-ending race....Well ladies and gentlemen....we survived the triathlon. And for the first time in all of the athletic endeavors that I've undertaken in the past few years....I loved it!!
The day started with any number of dumbass Suzy and Lisa moves. First, we woke up late, which doesn't bode well when the race site is about an hour away. Then, I'm a dumbass and have been using my roommate's bike and helmet, I had a big panic attack because I couldn't find her helmet in the garage. At 6:30 in the morning the day of the race. So I had to dial in a favor to our cheerleader, Amy, who was coming to uhhh...cheerlead? to bring a helmet for me. How hard would it have been for me to buy a damn helmet...ohhh...maybe beforehand? Not that hard, but did I mention that I'm a dumbass? So once we were finally tri-bound, because Suz and I are cool and "S-M-R-T" we thought we had the bikes all tied up tight on the bike rack, only to have to pull over to the side of the highway because one of them was dangling off. Those bungee cords are tricky little bastards.
Once we finally arrived, anxiety-ridden, we could finally focus on the rather sizable task at hand (ok, so I was still anxiety-ridden until Amy arrived with the helmet shortly before they closed the transition area). The swim went great for both Suz and I -- I came in 7th overall for all the women (out of around 85ish I think) and Suz came in seconderfourthish for her age group. I loved the swim, except for that moment toward the end when the 1st place male swimming the same distance who started about 5 minutes behind me passed me. Bastard. And although we both busted some serious ass on the 14.7-although-eventually-around-16-to-17-mile bike, there were some hinderances that made that part not too enjoyable.
First off, I was off on the bike at what seemed towards the front only because there weren't a lot of people around me when I was getting my clothing on and there were lots of bikes still in the transition area. But it's kind of hard to tell who's doing what event because there are people who are doing the long distance version who were finishing the swim around the same time as we were. So the signs on the bike course were posted incorrectly at first, and the sprinters turned around way too early and figured it out once we had gotten almost all the way back to the beginning. So I probably ended up doing 2-3 miles more than I was supposed to. Which sucks, because not only was my bike time slower than it should have been, but then I was frustrated and playing catch-up.
Second off, this was my first triathlon, and I don't have a five zillion dollar, space age metal, 4lb titanium road bike with wafer thin tires. I have a borrowed clunky mountain bike (which I would never even bring anywhere close to a mountain since I loathe even the smallest incline). So I think that I only passed 2 people on the entire bike course even though I was busting my ass and riding harder and faster than we ever ever did in training. Well, maybe 2 and a half people. Ohhhh, that evil 11-year old half.
So while I was trying to catch-up after my lost time, I was clipping along pretty well and managed to pass a little 11-year old boy who was friendly and said hi and told me I was doing a great job. Cute right? Nice pleasant mannered young boy who can do a triathlon? Sounds like an amazing kid. Well I don't know why the kid chose me of all the slow-bies with the awesome non-road bike, but he latched on to my rear tire and didn't let go the entire time (not literally).
Now I suppose I could try to read something good into this situation. Maybe he thought I had a nice ass in the bike seat and wanted a closer look. Maybe he liked my mingling aroma of lake water and sweat. Maybe he just figured I looked like the easiest pickins of everyone who had passed by him thusfar. But seriously, this little shit drafted off me for miles and miles and miles. Once I caught up to Suz, we were both annoyed beyond belief and didn't know what to do about it. Drafting is illegal in these events, and they're supposed to call it and disqualify anyone who's doing it. However, every single person who rode by us (he was drafting off both of us at this point) just cheered him on, and said things like, "Way to go kiddo!" and "Keep up the good work!" And instead, when Suz and I were riding next to each other, some dude rode by and yelled at us, saying it was a safety hazard. I, in that moment, was hoping his bike seat was doing its civic duty leaving his cojones black and blue. I know, it's evil and I shouldn't wish that kind of misery on people, but at least I didn't wish for a pole to shove into the spokes of his tire right?
So Drafter McDraftee found someone to chat with towards the last couple miles (yes, that makes almost a full hour with someone attached to my ass. **And insert dirty joke here**). The run went pretty well. I felt much much better than I had on any of our training runs, and didn't find myself wishing at every step that I wasn't running, which is how it usually works. I just stuck to slow and steady and finished happy and proud (and yes that little shit did finish in front of me, but not Suz). So we were crazy pumped up and on this great high for the rest of the day. (Enough for Suz to clean her entire place and enough for me to take a 3 hour nap). But I actually really enjoyed the whole event and would most definitely do them again in the future. That is, once I can sell a kidney or ovary for enough money to buy a better bike.
Oh, and if anyone offered me a hot oil massage, I wouldn't care about thongs, Mr. Universe poses or the boy's objections. I'm a massage whore. What can I say?
8:03 PM
Comments:
Awww....come on I looked a long time for the thong and muscle suit. Been practicing very hard on my Mr. Universe pose too. :-O
