Hometown: The Roch, MI (aka. The Crotch, aka. Crotchscratcher, aka. Crotchmolester, aka. Rochester)
Currently Living: Clawson, MI
Height: 5'8
Weight: Ha ha, yeah right
Favorite Color: Blue (preferably navy)
Profession: Researcher
Favorite Nickname: Trick, Sloan
Favorite Drinks:Vodka Tonic, Guinness, Diet Dr. Pepper, Dirty Martinis, red wine
Favorite TV Show: Friends, Sex & The City, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, Iron Chef America
Least Favorite TV Show: A Baby Story, I Love Lucy, Martha Stewart, Everybody Loves Raymond, every hour long drama
Favorite Books: The History of Love, Beloved, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Fight Club, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The of Being, SurUnbearable Lightness vivor, Empire Falls, The Corrections, The Bell Jar
Favorite Movies: Little Miss Sunshine, Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Wordplay, American Beauty, Life is Beautiful, Amelie, Breakfast Club, Singin In The Rain, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sleeping Beauty, Dancer in the Dark, Duets, The Virgin Suicides, The Manchurian Candidate (1962), Austin Powers I, II & III, My Best Friends Wedding, Moulin Rouge, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, The Shining, Gone With The Wind, Bridget Jones' Diary, Chicago, Love Actually
Guilty Pleasure Movies: Xanadu, Dirty Dancing, Overboard, Groundhog Day, Steel Magnolias, 10 Things I Hate About You, Bond movies, Footloose, Clue, Murder By Death, High Spirits, A Cinderella Story
What I Do Too Much: Check email, crossword puzzles, complain about my job to friends and family,
Obsessions: sushi, Indian food, ranch dressing, toenail polish, song lyrics, hands, awards shows, symmetry, avocados, maps, dreams, This American Life, the display in my car that tracks my MPG
Pet Peeves: loud eaters, slurping, gulping, arrogance, snoring, bad grammar, repetition, late mergers, ripping cardboard, the word "chunky", intolerance, couples in a restaurant sitting on the same side of a booth, pop-up ads, privacy manager, men that drive without shirts on, being foolish, unfairly jumping to conclusions, being made fun of, cat-calling, people who type too hard
Greatest Fear: crossing bridges
Relaxing Activites: late night drives to sing by myself, headstands, hot baths,
Wish I Was: Ansel Adams, Jenifer Aniston, in love, living alone
Prized Possessions: ring from my grandparents, flower pot of my Grandma's, electric blanket (temporarily broken), tongue scraper, my bed
Craziest Thing Ever Done: getting a tattoo, strip Jenga
Things I Eventually Want To Do: skydive, buy a guitar, learn how to play the aforementioned guitar, take flying lessons, travel to France, write a novel, learn how to play the harp, tap dancing lessons, run a marathon
Thursday, July 27, 2006 That girl was a one time teenage drama queen....Yesterday, it became glaringly apparent that I need to stop watching crap entertainment news programs in the evening. Immediately. Or my brain is going to start melting into a pile of goo, as the asinine behavior of celebrities becomes more and more pathetic. Or more like it, the pathetic reporting of the behavior of celebrities has become more asinine.
Let me draw your attention to the straw that broke the camel's back. A story that has been presented every day this week on Entertainment Tonight. It seems that everyone's favorite plus-sized-and-lovin-it comedienne, Mo'nique, had some life-altering, soul-destroying, eternally-devastating humiliation at the hands of the folks at United Airlines. With the dramatic presentation of this story, you'd have thought that the pilot got on the overhead speaker, and after announcing their flight time and cruising altitude, slandered Ms. 'Nique with a bevy of the most attrocious slurs imaginiable.
The real story? One of Ms. 'Nique's "team" (yes, this is how she in fact refers to them. Her "team" consisting of makeup designer and hair stylist. Right there, most of my potential pity vanishes, but I'll get back to that in a minute) put her blow dryer in one of the overhead bins in first class, where Ms 'Nique was sitting, instead of in coach where her beloved "team" member was sitting. The flight attendants called them out on it, they got hostile, and all were kicked off the flight.
Now, let's break down why this story is disturbing on so many levels:
1. I don't know if I've ever heard anything more pathetic than getting upset because your blow dryer was being put in a different overhead bin. 2. I don't know if I've ever heard anything more pathetic than THIS MUCH time being devoted to something as friggin stupid as a blow dryer. It's seriously been on the show every day this week. They keeping talking about how they "broke the story". 3. How diva are you that your "team" has to sit in coach while you sit in first class? 4. Honestly, if you hear this woman talk about it, you'd think that the flight attendants sacrificed her first born. She sounds like her best friend died. She's talking about how grateful she is to all the support she's received. She's talking about how people should band together to boycott United. She's talking about the lawyer she hired. GET A LIFE PEOPLE! IT'S A FRIGGIN BLOW DRYER!! What kind of planet do you live on that this is the most significant thing that you have to deal with? That you are that pathetic and desperate for any kind of publicity that you will chalk up something so stupid into being this horrible victim.
So that's why instead of boycotting United or Mo'Nique (as I'm tempted to do) I'm boycotting all entertainment news. I will never again by a US Weekly or People magazine at the grocery store - even if I'm in a particularly long line and the cover story is something tempting like "Is Suri Deformed?" I will no longer change channels in the evening to inevitably end up on Ryan and Guliana on E!. I'm done. I will passively hear the gossip on the radio as my alarm goes off or on glance over it on MSN when I log out of my hotmail. But I'm done with sad pathetic celebrities who think their lives are so tragic and important.
